How Runners Annoy Everyone Else

This will be a pretty quick post kiddos, but I haven’t been posting enough lately, so I figured a brief post was better than nothing. So without further ado, the list:

Constant Updates on Social Media

We’re the worst. We really are. At best, we just manually make our own posts. We show you a picture mid-run. We tell you about the stitch we had in our side on the way up the big hill and how we overcame and are now at peace with the universe because of it. And we do this across all media.

But that’s not the worst part. What gets even worse is when we sync up our fitness apps to social media so you not only hear our synopses, you can see our specific statistics, including time, distance, splits, calories, and how many squirrels we saw.

Weird Conversation Topics

Seriously, even among runners, things get weird.

We can start with the tame: talking about running at all. This is weird. How often do you hear someone talk about their yoga session in-depth? Now how often do you hear someone talk about their run in-depth? We’re almost as bad as CrossFit. Almost.

But then we double down. We start talking about intervals. We start talking about breathing patterns, foot striking, correct posture, etc. All this minutiae and no one cares. We’ll just tell you anyway.

But that’s just the beginning.

Then we talk about food. We talk about how we’re trying to eat healthy, how we’re trying to get the right blend of carbs, fat, and protein. We’ll tell you about the new energy drink we tried. And God help us all before a race, ‘cause then we’re going to start talking about carb loading and taking a lot of pictures of potatoes, rice, and pasta. It’s tasty but ain’t nobody go time for that. And so help me God if I catch you eating GU in public.

And of course, food becomes poop, so we have to talk about that. Not just a vague comment that our GI tracts may get disrupted, but sometimes people get REALLY specific. The number of stories of people in mid-run making a mad dash for a safe place is astounding. If you ever see a runner pick up their pace for no apparent reason, do them a solid and point them to a toilet.

And it still gets worse. The chafing.

Poop may be disgusting, but everyone does it. Or at least that’s what a book I read once said.

No, chafing is not an everyday event for most people. And people don’t even realize what’s chafing.

Let’s start with the easy one: you feet/ankles. Makes sense. Your feet are hitting the pavement, and something being ill-fitting could cause some issues.

That’s fine. But let’s move up to the thighs chafing. The first time that happened, I’m not even going to let you know how surprising it is (and how painful it is to find out the hard way with a pair of blue jeans).

But it gets worse. I won’t go into specifics, but imagine chafing in areas covered by your Underoos.

But let’s don’t stop there. For guys, one last chafing spot can end with the whole world knowing what went wrong.

Starting a Blog

Whoops.

Maybe we should just go to the next point.

Anything About Running Clothes

Running gear is 100% necessary and 100% disgusting after a good run. Let’s just start there.

Now what are the crimes being committed even though we all know running gear is a biohazard after a run?

Letting them air out anywhere around other human beings. Not in the office. Not in the car. Not in your house. Find a place for them to go where they won’t attack other people’s senses.

A quick fix may be to wash them as quickly as possible. That’s a good thing. Some people evidently wash them in the shower though and that’s it (I’ve heard tale of people who only rinse their gear off, no more, no less).

And of course, some people just hang out in their running gear. Please. Don’t. Do. That.

I was never inclined to, but an experience made it abundantly clear that was never an option. A friend of mine who claims not to be able to smell was around me after a run once. I just finished and was sprawled on the floor of a hallway. “You stink,” was all they said. That was bad enough. Weeks later, I remembered they had a terrible sense of smell and usually couldn’t smell at all. Let’s double down on how bad that comment stings now.

I don’t loiter in public after a run any more.

In the End

We’re sorry. We’re just trying to spread the gospel of exercise and overall wellness. We don’t do it to annoy you (usually). We just think if you joined us on our little adventure, you might be a little happier yourselves. We think if you see us in neon yellow clothes, you’ll want neon yellow clothes too.

-Q

#ihaterunning

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