I’d say the month of meditation flew by, but all the month’s fly by at this point.
I’d also say I learned lessons along the way, but I almost think the point of meditation is to not learn lessons. I think it might simply be that the point is to be there, no more, no less.
Today in yoga, which at its core is meditation, I went into a different matra than usual.
When I’m engaging in mindfulness meditation, first choice is to focus on my breath. Simply notice it.
My second choice is to narrate. In. Out. Helps keep me focused.
My third choice is gentle reminders that I’m right here and to let things mentally pass, and I’ll attend to them later.
That’s all well and good, but in yoga, the people in the room cause me problems. I don’t do well in crowds, generally, and this was one of those days.
I had to escape without being able to actually escape. I found a new mantra.
Warning, this is a little bit weird/depressing/scary/nihilistic.
I was repeating variations of this isn’t real. Mostly this isn’t real. But I had some they’re not real, I’m not real, I’m not here thrown in.
Of course, I know this is real (to the extent that anyone can actually know they’re real and here; there’s some computer simulation believers out there, so you can always wrap your head around that if you’d like). But it helped. People lead to me thinking about interactions with people, which isn’t helpful when you’re trying to jump back to chaturanga. Pretending they weren’t real if I had to be around them helped. They were no longer people to me, which kind of helped.
And so it goes.
Turning to the future, I’m trying to get my mileage up. I’ve just recently acquired a shin issue that I’m hoping doesn’t turn into shin splints, but I’m not optimistic. I’m trying to up my calcium intake to help if the bone’s taking damage, and I’m going to avoid running until the ache is gone. Not a good sign, but not a real problem yet.
If it’s just a few days of delay, then I’m still on track for getting in another 5K before the year closes out and (possibly) chasing a new goal for the upcoming year: run six 10Ks.
I’m tired thinking about that already.
The plan to prep for the 10Ks immediately follows the end of my Zombies, Run! 5K app cycle. The full app has a 10K prep process, so I’ll just hop back into that (and get caught up on those shenanigans in Abel). Much like the year of the 5K and my foray into a 10K this year, the goal is to finish without completely embarrassing myself, so I don’t expect to run a full 10K. I do expect to try.
That effort will probably result in alternating months, starting in February, to give me time to get up to speed and then time to recover between races. Getting a 5K every month was rough enough, so 10Ks in the southern heat doesn’t bode well.
But we try.
Whenever I think of these goals I set, I can’t help but think how arbitrary they must sound to other people. But at the same time, life is people arbitrarily attaching meaning to things. People getting emotionally attached to inanimate objects, so I can set weird goals every year (plus, I’m completely over dietary goals; I think I might have caused more problems than I solved this year).